Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
