Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
