He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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