Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
