NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
