So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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