Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
its liver damage thursday
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
