plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I love having hate sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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