i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
