the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
