Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i came on her dog
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
