drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
