the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
