there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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