I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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