i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
