Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
