Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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