Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
