He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
