If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Im part way to drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
