How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
