there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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