I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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