I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
