Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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