You're my little dorito
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
