I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
