How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
