Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My life is pants optional.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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