She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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