I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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