i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
