You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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