I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
