i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
