yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
