So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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