sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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