Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
