We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
