I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
