Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
