it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
