those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
