They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
