I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently you make a good broom.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
