Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
