If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
