My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
