I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
